mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
