Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
