Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
