How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
