i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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