clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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