I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
