I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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