god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
