reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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