Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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