he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
