i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
