The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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