Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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