I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
