are you still at the devil's house?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
