I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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