i would punch a child for taco bell
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
