Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
