As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
