All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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