my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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