I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
