It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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