your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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