He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
