she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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