I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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