the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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