Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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