i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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