If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
