dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
