And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
