why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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