I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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