what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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