thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
