Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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