I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
