I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
