why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
