we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
