i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
