I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
