Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
