I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
