Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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