i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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