just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
false alarm, still single
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