if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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